His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
