If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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