Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She's the barista slut.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
