so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
