nut hugger
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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