actually, I'm a sock model
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
