my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
