I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
