In the future we'll all be gay
I met the friendliest cop last night
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
