Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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