2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
