I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
