Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
