batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Too much gin, very little bucket
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
