Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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