remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
