I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
