she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
...so i touched it.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
