Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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