Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
there's paper in my vomit.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
