I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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