I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I have aggressive nipples.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
