i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize