the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
BRING THE BAGELS
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
