Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
