sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
i just google imaged poop.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
