its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize