omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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