I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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