She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
