Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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