The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i think im in europe. pls send help
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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