Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
you never un-have a 4some
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
