We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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