OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
