i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
