blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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