you traded sex for a burrito?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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