He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
