Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize