So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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