The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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