In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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