I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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