I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
