My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He shit in the fireplace
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
