what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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