I puked a lego.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just puked most of my soul out..
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
