I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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