I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
