i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
