I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
