Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
apparently the secret to your success is patron
my sisters under your porch take her home
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
