Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
