He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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