I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
