Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
