im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So vagazzling was a success
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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