question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
