after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
