i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
