I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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