I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
