got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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