just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
