I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you told grandpa to call you daddy
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
