y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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