Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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