you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
