I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
