the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize