He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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