Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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