It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize