We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
