You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
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