Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
