I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
