i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
