I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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