Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
