The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
