i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
