I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
