I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
